Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I am the problem

My son had his challenge day experience at PC North recently and the other day I asked him a question out of curiosity and his answer was as powerful as it was challenging.

Dad, “So how was your Challenge Day?”

Son, “Good”

Dad, “Curiosity question for you…It seems every time a teen really opens up to me about the pain he or she is experiencing the root of it all seems to always go back to the parents. Usually it is the conversation flows about divorce, money arguments, lack of love and more. What were the pain points in your group?”


“I bet it makes you sad that your generation is causing all of these troubles huh?”

Wow now that hit me in the gut for sure!

Yes son it does make me sad and you will recall from my Ignite OKC talk last year it also makes me angry.

Parents wake up! We are very much a part of the problem and it is time to take a hard look in the mirror and take a personal assessment of who we are as parents.

Are you being courageous in your conversations with your children? Do you love your spouse as you would hope for your child to be loved someday? Are you balancing your desire to be liked by your child with your responsibility to also teach through boundaries? Do you take time to just listen to your child openly and without judgment?

Personally I fail to be the dad, mentor and change agent I want to be often but I am striving to be as God has intended me to be.

My hope is that you too will take some time this week to look deeply within yourself and ask, “Am I the trouble” If so, now is the time to make changes.

What about you? What changes have you made in your parenting?

Kids grown? What advice would you give based on your past?

1 comment:

  1. You are sometimes the problem, not always.
    Sometimes it's the way we talk, or don't but the pain and angst of adolescence is not an exclusively negative force - it is also a creative one.
    We may put too much stock in being happy. Being upset, sad, discouraged or experiencing some kind of pain are valid states of mind too. It is what we do with these 'negative' experiences that determines happiness.
    In adolescence our job is to be dissatisfied with the world, to question limitations and rules and test everything. Merely accepting everything we are told is not leading a life of integrity.
    As we grow older we see that the adults we depended on are as imperfect as ourselves: that they experience pain, uncertainty,make mistakes and are sometimes knowingly bad.
    We can't grow up without loosing some things as we gain others. Instead of protecting people from the world we may do better by talking to them about it and helping them sort out the thoughts and emotions involved.
    Influential adults should strive to be good people but must not shy away from balancing the realities and imperfections of life with the ideals and joy of life.