Twelve years!

Twelve years would seem to be a long time. For me, it feels as if it were just yesterday in many ways. It was twelve years ago on the 24th that I completed my final radiation treatment after several months of battling cancer. My journey started with a lump and then moved on with surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, prayer, tears, fear and hope. (not necessarily in that order) Being a cancer survivor is very much part of who I am as a person.

I will not rehash my story since I wrote extensively about it last year. I simply want to thank the Lord for continuing to bless me with this wonderful life. Quite honestly I still struggle at times to understand why I was chosen to be healed and to beat the statistics.

The life we have is an incredible gift and cancer survivor or not we should all live as if it could be taken away at any moment.

Would you live your life any differently if you knew you were terminal? Fact is we all are but just don’t know the date. Make the most of the gifts you have NOW and don’t live a life of regrets. Too many people wait until they know they are dying before they start living.

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away. My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath.” Psalm 39: 4-5

If you really knew me…

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

Henry David Thoreau

If you really knew me…..

This is the most well-known line from the Challenge Day program thanks to the MTV program of the same title. The students do not walk into the room and then suddenly just open up to tell the world their inner fears, hidden dreams and personal battles. The statement only begins after several hours of skillful door opening by the Challenge day team.

I saw these doors open with the students in my “family” group as we moved through the day. They opened their hearts and soon were sharing challenges as well as support for each other. For the sake of the promised confidentiality, I will not write about who I was with or what was said. What I will say is that I know their attitude about teenage life was different by the end of the day. The common theme was. “I did not know so many others had these same issues.” “Now I don’t feel so alone.”

As adults facilitators, we fully participated in the program including crossing the line and completing the “if you really knew me” statement.

What did I share? I told that kids that if you really knew me, they would know that as an adult and parent I often live my life in fear too. Fear of losing my job due to the poor economy. Fear of failing as a parent. Fear of failing as a husband. Fear of feeling the lump again as I did that morning 12 years ago. Fear of not fulfilling the positive destiny God intends for my life and on and on.

My point with this openness was to let them know we all have our doubts and sometimes parents let these fears create unhealthy behaviors through overwork, avoidance, harshness, withdrawal, conflict and more.

Seeing that even the 43-year-old stranger sitting here was not all that different or in fact perfect seemed to connect with them.

I think the Thoreau quote describes most of us. The fact that is you too are not alone.

If brave enough to release your song even you may find yourself in the midst of a joyous chorus of love and healing soon thereafter. It all starts with that first note!

If I only knew you what would you say?

Taking the Challenge

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to serve as a volunteer facilitator for the Putnam City North Challenge day which was sponsored by the Putnam City Schools Foundation The Challenge day program has been around for more than 20 years and recently became even more well known thanks to a feature program on MTV of a visit to PC West. The target audience for this amazing day was the freshman class which is one of the largest to attend PC North in several years.

It is hard to be a kid these days. This is something I am well aware of as a person that does a lot of work with youth. Having seen the show and spoken to a previous Challenge Days volunteer, I had a pretty good idea of how the day would go and the questions that would be presented. My initial guess was that most of the kids would have seen the MTV show and as a result would also have known what to expect. It turns out that I was still surprised of the result of the day. My surprise I would say was not near as great as that of the kids that were part of this day.

I was assigned to a group of five and was nervous about how we would connect. Looking into their eyes, I saw the potential of who they could be and at the same time felt deeply the pain of who they were (or at least thought they were). By the end of the day four of the five were in tears and expressed much about the challenges they were facing. I heard stories about broken relationships, broken hearts and broken dreams.

I could go on and on about the courage and first steps of change I saw but will save that for a later post. What I want to express for you today is the incredible opportunity we have to make a difference for these kids. Now is the time to look in the mirror and truly ask yourself what kind of parent and example you are being for your child. Are you doing all you can to support them? Do you love your spouse as you would hope your child would be loved someday? Are you as close to God as you would hope for them? When was the last time you asked your child about his or her dreams and then sat with mind and ears open to just listen?

Changing the world sometimes starts as simply as making changes at home and admitting our own fallacies.

My change starts now with my own son and wife. What about you? Will you join the challenge?

Who am I?

Who am I?

I took this picture recently at an OU football game. I don’t know of you have ever had a chance to see the new scoreboard there but the thing is HUGE.

Who am I?

This question struck me as I saw it blazing across the scoreboard. It reminded me of the many times in my life that suddenly I have found myself asking this question.

Who am I?

I have struggled with this most of my life and have actively sought through a variety of methods to answer the question. There have been many hours in prayer asking God and there have been assessments such as Disc and MBTI. (I am an INFP btw)

And yet I find myself asking…

I have finally come to the realization that self-actualization will never happen for me. I am indeed wired to question and to seek. I wish I knew why the Lord wired me this way. Why He chose to give me this driving desire to always question who I am and what His purpose is for me but in the end it does not matter since I am who I am.

Many people experience depression this time of year with the turn to winter, the holidays and of course the sad state of the economy. My prayer this week is that we all will experience a moment of true thankfulness. Don’t worry about who you are, who you were or who you are going to be. For a moment, just pause and be thankful without question.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving

A fear of flying

A few years ago a friend of mine decided to build a remote control airplane. My buddy is one of those obsessive go all the way type of guys and wanted to build this thing right. He even went so far as to create a little workshop area in his garage with special lighting and a tall table to make the work easier. I joined him a few times at the RC club airfield to watch others flying these little machines of wonder and to talk excitingly about what it would be like when his own balsa marvel was complete.

Weeks went by and after awhile I kind of forgot about the plane and the whole flying project until one day while at his house I noticed the plane on display in the garage. It looked fantastic with the paint gleaming and every graphic placed just right. I of course asked him, “What is it like to fly it?”

He stumbled a bit as he explained that he had yet to fly the plane and after some deep contemplation had decided he most likely never would.

“What!” I exclaimed.

It turns out that while watching others at the RC field my buddy had seen many crashes and planes ruined. Now after having spent countless hours on his own project he did not want to ruin it by actually flying it for fear of the destruction he was convinced would follow.

I know far too many people that are like my friend with his plane. They take time to plan, ponder and talk about the going to’s. Things in life they are going to accomplish. There are plans for jobs going to be succeeded, relationships going to be built, debt going to be reduced, weight going to be lost, marathons going to be run etc. We know we are capable of flying but the fear of our dreams crashing keep us from taking the chance.

Do you fear soaring to the heights of your capabilities? I believe God intended all of us to achieve great things within who we are. We should not fear failure but instead should embrace it, learn from it and try again.

Fear has kept me from many things in life and I am working to take risks. I pray this week that you too will have the courage get off the display rack and take off. You may surprise yourself with the results.

15 Years Ago Today

And so it begins

15 years ago today Michelle and I began our journey together as Mr. & Mrs. Copeland. It all started as a set up blind date on my birthday for lunch. Her good friend Jennifer was a co-worker of mine and for months had been telling me about this person I just had to meet. I was always a bit of shy guy when it came to asking girls out so a blind date sounded like a good idea to me.

The years since that lunch date have been better than I ever imagined. Together we have built a rich life full of trials, errors, laughs and most importantly love. One of the most amazing things about these many years is that we do still enjoy each other and believe steadfastly in our future.
On this special day, I just want express my thankfulness to God for the wonderful woman He planned for me even before I was born. I am also thankful to have such a great wife that through it all still is there loving and supporting me.  I am indeed a blessed man.

Help yourself to happiness


Have you seen the latest ad slogan from the good folks at Golden Corral? As a guy that has struggled with weight and self-image due to my weight for most I my life I found the slogan striking.


Help yourself to happiness

Help yourself to happiness—by gorging at an all-you-can eat buffet? Thanks but no thanks Golden Corral.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with food like many of you. First it was a bit of ignorant bliss since I grew up in a traditional Oklahoma chicken fry and mash potato house. I did not understand eating healthy because no one around me was doing it. Finally in college I took the big step to be in control of my health and sought some professional help.

Years later I struggle everyday to make the healthy choice.

I fight lifelong bad habits and a connection with food as comfort when bored or stressed. Of course I am not alone in our obese America. The numbers are terrifying and in reality we as a nation are slowly killing ourselves by not respecting our bodies. Think of it as a long and slow version of suicide that impacts us both physically and mentally. Hard to say but true.

But there is hope!

There is joy to be found in balance and moderation. Don’t diet! Instead choose to make small changes in your lifestyle through healthy eating habits and exercise. You truly will be amazed at the results. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, and do it for your future!

What do you think about the impact of obesity on our country?

What advice do you have for others that are struggling?

Need more inspiration? Read this great blog post from Anna Light. She will get you going for sure.

Thoughts on 13

Conner turns 13 this week and this birthday is weighing heavily on my heart.

Last weekend on the Scout campout he was put in charge by the Scoutmaster as Senior Patrol Leader (SPL). As he organized and instructed 30 + adults and Scouts I was amazing and wondered “is this really my son” (Scouting is a youth run program and the boys plan and are in charge of everything) I so enjoyed standing afar just watching him as he interacted with everyone.

It is amazing to think that just 12 years ago at this time I was battling cancer with treatments and planning for the worse. At the time my only prayer was to live long enough that he would remember me. My father died when I was very young and I have no memories of him.

Now as he enters the teen years he is becoming more and more his own person and I can see glimpses of the man he will be very soon.

Sitting here today, I am so thankful the Lord chose to give me this time. I want to treasure every moment and be the best father that I am capable of being. I fail so often with this goal and to be honest I wonder why the God chose to heal me when there are so many more worthy people out there that were not so blessed.

Thank you Lord. Thank you for this time, your love for me, my wonderful wife, terrific son and this life.

I hope as you are reading this you will take some time today to reflect on the blessings in your own life. Most of us only get one chance. I happen to be on my second. Take it from me and do not waste a moment of it.

Ten minutes and change

The weather guy last night said we are losing about 10 minutes of daylight a week now. “A sure sign that fall is coming”. Wow it certainly does not feel like fall outside with the sun blazing and temperatures in the 100’s. He was right though, fall is marching towards us and there is no holding back the inevitability of the new season.

Changes in life and work are a lot like those ten minutes a week. Sure, we have the big wham bam changes but in reality the movement comes in small subtle increments over a long period of time. Pounds lost come in small choices like a salad vs. a cheeseburger at lunch. A broken relationship comes in random negative comments and missed opportunities to uplift one another. We have all heard about not sweating the small stuff but in so many ways it is the small stuff in life that makes the biggest difference over time.

I think for this week I am not going to worry about big things and instead will just focus on the 10.

The best advice this year


“Take it from a guy with 5 kids. You hope they grow up and move away someday but you want the wife to stay”

This was some great advice a few weeks back from a twitter friend as I was having a bit of an internal debate about taking a trip with just the wife while our son is gone on a trip of his own with Scouts. The son was a little mad that we would consider going on a cool mini-vacation without him. This was not something in his 12 years of life that we have ever done.

The trip idea is to celebrate our 15th year of married. Truly the advice was a wake up reminder to me that yes the time invested with son is of paramount importance. At the same time, the investment in our husband/wife relationship deserves the same attention. After all, it is our intent to spend the rest of our days on earth together.

How many couples focus so much on the kids that when they grow up and leave they are left with no common interests and goals? How many couples after years of kids no longer know how to woo each other and to enjoy time alone?

So as you may have guessed I booked the trip!

What about you?

Do you take time to woo your wife?

Are you seeking opportunities to spend time together and share common interests?
I suggest we do these things now before there is any chance of growing separate and being left to re-learn each other once the children are gone.

Personally, I know great adventures are in store for Michelle and I. The best is yet to come!